yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
