Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
