my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize