I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need moral support for this bender
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
