i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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