Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
