I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
