Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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