You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize