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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  There are cops on horseback in our back yard

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.

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