remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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