Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize