I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
