Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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