im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
