My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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