My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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