Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
