Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
