pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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