last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
where am i from again
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How naked do you want me to be?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
