yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
