so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
