I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
