I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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