They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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