she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize