I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
