I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
