She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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