u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
