he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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