That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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