I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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