it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
