She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
