i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
