why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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