Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
