I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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