you have to choose: penises or morals?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
