It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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