Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
