oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
