every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
