You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
do herpes really smell.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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