there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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