If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
