I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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