just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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