if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
zippers are such a cool invention
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize