I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
