2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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