he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it because I queefed?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
