if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
