I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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