Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
