you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
