I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
