Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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