Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize