ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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