i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
