I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well you can't waste a boner
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
