I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
