Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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