You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
