Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
