I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
