I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
