the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
