We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
