we're blogging at a bar
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
