Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The uberlube is also flammable
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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