I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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