Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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