did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
