God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
