I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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