I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
