Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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