you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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