I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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