I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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