yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
