All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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