how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
