dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
