I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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