So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
