I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
