when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
